Secrets
by idazzleppl
Summary: I only have 3 secrets in life...I hate my physics teacher...I cheated on my AP English test & I, Bella Swan, am in love with my best friend. Please give it a chance and I know you'll love it! E/Tanya, B/J, E/B...rated M for safety, REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

_I only have 3 secrets in life…_

_I hate my physics teacher_

_I cheated on my AP English test _

_&_

_I, Bella Swan, am in love with my best friend._

Chapter 1

I woke up to the annoying beeping sound of my alarm clock. It took me a few minutes to get my thoughts together. My body groaned in protest as I sat up on my bed. I glanced at my calendar, the 18th of August, the first day of my junior year in high school. I looked at my clock it read 7:15. I knew I couldn't delay the inevitable any longer. I got out of bed and went to brush my teeth.

When I came back into my room I picked the first outfit I saw, faded jeans and a long sleeve purple shirt. I quickly added some cover up to a zit that had strategically placed itself right in the middle of my forehead. Then I drew a quick black line of eyeliner around each eye and added a bit of mascara to make my eyelashes stand out. I wasn't the hottest thing at Forks High but I wasn't the ugliest either.

As I ran down the stairs to grab a bagel I heard a car horn honk outside my house. I smiled to myself, knowing exactly who it would be. I decided on an apple instead, grabbed my backpack and ran out the door.

My heart literally stopped as I saw what was awaiting me in my driveway. There stood my best friend, Edward Cullen, standing nonchalantly against the side of his silver Volvo. He wore a white long sleeved button down shirt with the sleeves pushed up past his forearms and a pair of dark blue jeans. His copper hair was in its usual disheveled look.

"Earth to Bella. Seriously it would look bad if we were late the first day of school." He said as I stood there like an idiot admiring his godliness.

"Um yeah right sorry." I mumbled as I walked to the passenger side of his car.

The drive to school with Edward was quiet but never awkward. He knew how I hated thinking too much in the mornings. He knew me so well. But then he should considering we've been best friends since about kindergarten. I still remember the day we met like it was yesterday.

My parents and I lived in Phoenix until they got a divorce. My dad received custody because my mom said she was too busy to deal with a kid at the time. I guess it should have hurt me that my own mother rejected me but I was too young to understand. My dad was really hurt by my mom so he decided to move away from everything that reminded him of her, which was everything Phoenix and everything warm or sunny. I'm not exactly sure how but some way or another we ended up in Forks, Washington and we have stayed here ever since.

On my first day of kindergarten I had been introduced to the class and we were all drawing our favorite animals when a blonde boy, who I later learned was named Mike, started drawing all over my picture and ruined it. I obviously started crying. Then a boy with messy hair that looked like a penny came up and pushed Mike out of his seat, who then ran away crying. I smiled at the stranger.

"I'm Edward Cullen. What's your name?" He had asked.

I sniffled a little before answering. "Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella."

"Do you have a best friend?" He questioned.

"Not here." I said a little sad.

"Me either. You can be mine if you want." He was too cute to say no.

"Ok." I smiled. And from that day on Edward and I were inseparable. We did everything together. All through middle school he was there for me. Every time Mike tried to hit on me freshman year he was there for me. It was just how things were. Although everyone knew we weren't dating, the girls at Forks high hated me for consuming all his time.

I don't know when I fell in love with Edward. It might have been the day we met but I can't be sure. Neither of us has ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend but I'm desperately hoping that he will open his eyes this year and see me the way I see him. One can hope right.

When we pulled into the parking lot I saw Mike and his group of friends standing by their cars. I groaned out loud. Edward saw what I was looking at and groaned too. All the girls in Mike's group were obsessed with Edward and were never afraid of hiding it. I looked at their apparel and couldn't believe they could have gotten any sluttier from last year but they continue to exceed my expectations.

As we walked by them their leader Lauren "accidentally" ran into Edward and stayed pressed up against him a little too long for my comfort and his.

"Oh my gosh Jessica I can't believe you made me run into Edward. I'm so sorry Eddie." She giggled.

Edward just pushed her away and rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on Eddie." I teased him.

"For the love of god please don't call me that."

I laughed at his expression. "Jeez chill, it's not like you never tease me about Mike."

"I know I'm sorry I got angry she just bugs the crap out of me." He apologized.

"Who doesn't she do that to?" I smiled.

My attempt at joking seemed to work because he lightened up instantly. We compared schedules and were very disappointed that we only had one class together, newspaper.

We said our goodbyes and headed off in different directions. Time seemed to fly by and before I knew it, it was lunchtime. I ordered a salad and some fruit and then found Edward reading a book at our usual table. He smiled as I walked up.

"So how were your classes?" He asked putting his book down.

"Oh you know the usual. Going over rules and stupid stuff like that. How about you?"

He groaned. "In AP Lit Mr. Paris already assigned us 5 chapters in this book." He said holding up the book he had just been reading.

"Ouch that's harsh."

"Yeah tell me about it." He sighed and went back to reading.

I was almost finished with my salad when a female voice interrupted the silence

"Is it alright if I sit here? I'm new."

I looked up to whom the voice belonged to and my mouth nearly dropped. The girl was gorgeous. She had to be about 5'9 with strawberry blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. I was too busy wondering why she would want to sit with us when I realized neither of us had responded.

I looked over to Edward and my heart dropped. He was staring at her in a way

knew all too well. It was the way I know I would look at him sometimes whenever I was sure he wasn't looking. I would kill to have him look at me like that.

I tried to pick up some of the pieces of my heart that had just broken because I knew that I couldn't be sure if Edward really liked this girl. I mean maybe he was just as amazed as I was that this girl wanted to sit with us.

I found my voice eventually though. "Um sure go ahead. But if you want to be considered at all cool I wouldn't."

She smiled and set her tray down. "I really don't care about that stuff and that Mike guy really creeps me out."

I laughed. "It seems we have something in common. I'm Bella by the way and this is Edward." I said gesturing to him before I noticed that he was still staring, so I nudged him under the table and he came to and cleared his throat.

The girl smiled. "I'm Tanya, it's nice to meet you. I just moved down from Alaska with my parents."

"Wow that's really cool." I said and smiled again. Tanya seemed like an exception to all the beautiful bitchy girls in our school. She smiled back and pulled out a book.

Edward finally decided to join the conversation. "What book are you reading?" He asked leaning slightly more across the table toward Tanya.

"Um, In Cold Blood, the AP Lit teacher assigned all his classes this huge assignment."

"I'm in that class too. What hour do you have it?" Edward smiled, seemingly more interested in conversation than he had been when we were sitting alone.

She smiled too. "No way! Um 2nd hour. How about you?"

"Oh dang, 1st. I guess I should know that because I think I would've noticed a beautiful girl like you in it." His lips turned up into a heartbreaking crooked smile.

Was it just me or could the whole lunchroom hear my heart shatter at that sentence?

She giggled and turned her head away blushing. She then changed the subject and I was glad that we never approached that topic again at lunch. By the end of lunch we learned that we all had newspaper together. When the bell sounded we all got up and dumped our trays in the trash.

"I'll see you guys later in newspaper." Tanya smiled and waved at us before she disappeared into the crowded hallway.

"Tanya seems really nice." Edward said as we made our way back to our lockers.

"Yeah, I'm honestly surprised she is. I expected her to be more like Lauren."

"Yeah me too. But I'm glad she isn't." Edward said and I inwardly groaned, this was not how I wanted my year to start out.

In some ways I was dreading newspaper because I would have to watch Edward practically drool over Tanya. On the other hand I really liked that class but life just sucks sometimes.

When I walked into newspaper I didn't see Edward or Tanya so I just sat down at a random computer. After a little while I began tapping my fingers impatiently on the desk. As I was looking out the window I felt someone slide into the chair next to me.

I turned my head so fast I got dizzy. Dizzy and disappointed to see that it wasn't Edward or Tanya. It was Jacob Black, another junior guy at our school. Jacob seemed like a really nice guy but I have never gotten the chance to know him because we don't hang out in the same crowds.

He's also extremely hot. He's really tall, like 6'5 with dark russet skin, black hair and dreamy brown eyes. I would be head over heels for him except that he's no Edward.

"You're Bella right?"

I was shocked a little because nobody ever calls me Bella unless I've known them for a long time. Everyone just assumes I like the name Isabella.

"Um yeah. You're Jacob right?"

"Yep that's me, the one and only." He said with a big grin.

I was about to respond when I heard my favorite voice in the world come into the room. A smile began at the side of my mouth. I turned and saw Edward come through the door with Tanya and that smile instantly fell. Edward saw me and waved, then Tanya waved too having not seen me yet due to their intense conversation.

Jacob got up from his seat. "I'll leave so your friends can sit with you."

I felt bad. "Oh you don't have to do that. Really."

"No its fine. Trust me. Just save me a seat tomorrow." He said with a smile.

I smiled, which was kind of contagious with Jacob. "Ok, it was nice talking to you."

"You too." He said and then went to go sit at another desk.

"Hey Bells." Edward said as he sat down in the chair that was previously occupied by Jacob.

"Hey guys. What were you talking about?" I asked.

"We were just discussing some of that AP Lit book." Tanya said with a smile while looking at Edward.

"Oh that's cool." I replied with less interest.

We didn't have much time to talk the rest of class because even though it was only the first day we were already behind schedule. When class ended Edward and I walked with Tanya to our lockers and then out to her car.

The drive back to my house consisted of Edward gushing about his classes and Tanya. I just added a "mmhmm" or a nod when it was appropriate. But I wouldn't have been able to get a word in edge wise even if I tried.

That night before I went to sleep I had a lot to ponder. Like how Edward and I's relationship had been broken down by one beautiful, nice, smart girl. The truth, even though I didn't want to face it, was that Edward was falling for this girl fast and hard. And I might not be able to stop him.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight………sigh

(AN) k so it's a little long, sorry but I had a lot to get in this chapter because I'll be gone for the rest of the weekend and wanted to leave you guys with a little something extra. Don't you just love me!

Chapter 2

As the week dragged on Edward, Tanya and I fell into a familiar pattern. Edward drove me to school, where we met Tanya at her car and walked into school together, then took turns going to each others lockers. It turns out that their lockers were situated practically right next to each other. It was hard to hide my discomfort when I learned that new piece of information.

We sat at our usual table every lunch period and ignored the glances of Lauren and Mike's group. I couldn't help but get the feeling I was becoming more and more like a third wheel everyday. I tried to brush that aside however. Edward and I had been best friends since forever. He wouldn't let one girl, however beautiful she was, compromise that. Right?

I was so happy on Friday just because it seemed like a miracle I survived the week. It was always hard adjusting to a week of school after not having it for 3 months. I couldn't wait for newspaper because we were finalizing all the stories for the first issue.

I got to class before Edward and Tanya, which was becoming a tradition it seemed. One I was not particularly fond of. But just like everyday that past week Jacob came and kept me company until they arrived.

After a few minutes of Jacob rambling to me about something to do with cars, I saw them walk through the door. I was afraid that one of these times they would walk in and his arm would be around her waist. Jacob caught onto my train of thought and got up to move. I felt bad doing this to Jacob. I knew I should tell him to stay but I couldn't pass up a chance to be close to Edward.

"Alright class, settle down." Mr. Thorton said as Edward and Tanya took their seats next to me.

"Since we have our first issue almost finalized, I figured you could use your extra time this weekend for a project." The whole class groaned. Weren't we stressed out enough about making our first issue perfect? Why are teachers so cruel?

"So I'll assign each of you into pairs and your assignment is to research a topic in today's society and write a solid, front page material, story on it. The pair I feel that has the best article will be lucky enough to make the front page of the Forks Gazette." There was a low murmur of excitement around the room. I honestly didn't see the big deal. It's not like anyone read our town's measly newspaper anyway.

"Alright the pairs are…" I zoned out as Mr. Thorton began listing off names. I could only think of one person I wanted to be partnered with. "Bella Swan and Jacob Black."

I groaned inwardly. I really have all the luck in the world don't I. I looked over at Jacob and he was smiling at me.

I'm sure Jacob would be great and everything but I really wanted Edward. Not only was he an amazing writer but also I was insanely in love with him.

"Edward Cullen and..." Please, please, please don't be… "Tanya Denali."

Of course. Fan-freaking-tastic. Edward smiled at Tanya and she giggled while blushing a little. Oh no. Blushing is bad. No, no more blushing.

When Mr. Thorton was finished he asked everyone to get together with their partner and discuss the assignment. I looked to Jacob who was waving me over a little too enthusiastically for my taste. With one last glance at Edward and Tanya, who seemed to be even closer to each other than I thought possible, I reluctantly headed over to the empty seat next to Jacob.

"Hey Bella. I can't believe we got partnered together. We're going to kick this assignment's ass!" He said with a smile.

I had to laugh a little at his enthusiasm. It seemed like he couldn't control himself. Like it was just a part of him. I liked that. I could tell that it would be easy to get along with Jacob. If only…my heart knew where my thoughts were going before my mind did, if only he were Edward. I tried to push him from my mind for the time being.

Jacob and I had decided to do our article on the Swine Flu. Which I thought everyone was blowing totally out of proportion. Jacob laughed when I said this.

"What is so funny? It's true. The regular flu kills like 30,000 people a year and its only killed what like a couple hundred." I was a little peeved when people didn't agree with me. Maybe that's why Edward always let me decide on movies we would go see. He knew that he couldn't win an argument against me.

"I can't wait to say I told you so when this whole town gets infected with it." He said with a smile playing on the outside of his lips.

"Yeah right." Was my amazing comeback. He just chuckled to himself and shook his head.

We decided to meet at the local library on Saturday afternoon. Edward and I always hung out on Saturday mornings so to be safe we were going to meet at 2:15. Before I knew it the final bell rang. I hadn't even noticed the time because being with Jacob made it seem like the class had flown bye.

"I'll see you Saturday Bella." Jacob said with a grin.

"Yep see you later." I really wondered if that smile was permanently molded into his face or something.

I turned around to find Edward and Tanya with their heads close together talking intensely about something. I felt bad interrupting but it was making me uncomfortable watching them. I walked up to stand beside them. After a while it was apparent they didn't notice me so I cleared my throat. They both looked up.

"Um sorry to interrupt but school just ended."

Tanya and Edward both laughed. "Wow I didn't even realize it. It's amazing how fast time can go when you're having fun." I wanted to puke when Tanya said the clichéd catchphrase.

I waited for them to grab their stuff before we headed out. We separated in the parking lot. Edward and I headed towards his Volvo while Tanya went to her car. The drive home to my house seemed more tense than usual. Or perhaps it was just my overreaction to how close Edward and Tanya had become lately. Edward seemed to be in his own little world the entire way home. I had never wanted to read someone's mind more than right now.

All too soon we arrived at my house. My dad's car wasn't in the driveway so I knew I had the house to myself for a good couple hours. I decided to invite Edward in seeing he probably had nothing else better to do.

"Hey do you want to come inside for a little bit?" I asked.

For a second it looked like I had caught him off guard. "Um no thanks I have a lot of homework. Plus I promised my mom to help her move some furniture tonight. Sorry."

My face fell a little. "Oh that's ok. I'll still see you tomorrow right?"

"Sorry, what?" He was in his own little bubble again.

"Tomorrow. Hanging out. Movie." I felt a little mad that he would forget it. Every Saturday during school we would always hang out. We had been doing it since we first met.

"Uh-huh." He must be thinking about something important because he has never acted like that.

"Ok bye then." I said climbing out of the car.

"Yeah later." He replied.

I sighed and went into my house. I grabbed a glass of orange juice and some crackers for a snack before I started on my homework. The rest of my night proved to be very uneventful. I finished my homework early so I decided to make Charlie steak and potatoes. I had just put it on the table when he got home.

"Mmmm. Smells good Bells." Charlie said as he walked into the kitchen.

We sat down and began eating. He told me about his day and all the things he did. He asked me about school and Edward. It was pretty much like this every night. Charlie was never one for too much conversation and neither was I.

After we finished Charlie went to go catch a sports game on tv while I cleaned up the kitchen. I didn't really have anything else to do so I told Charlie I was going to bed early. He turned and smiled at me and said goodnight back, and then turned his attention back to the television.

I woke up the next day at 7:50. It was days like today when I had time alone with Edward that I really went all out. I tried to look the cutest I possibly could. I guess it was my pathetic attempt to make him open his eyes and see me as more than a friend.

After I decided I was decent I ran down stairs to grab a quick breakfast before I left. Charlie was on his way out as I came down the stairs.

"Going to see Edward?"

"Yep, oh and I have to go to the library later with a friend. We're working on a newspaper thing."

Charlie smiled as he walked out the door. "Alright have fun, just don't be late for dinner. I don't think I could survive without your cooking."

I laughed because it was completely true. "Will do. Bye dad."

"Later Bells." And with that he left.

Once I had inhaled the rest of my bagel and cream cheese I raced out the door. Edward didn't live too far away from me and I relished walking whenever I got a chance. Buying me a car wasn't really an option for my dad right now because our financial situation wasn't the greatest. He felt bad but I completely understood. Plus it helped having someone like Edward who was totally willing to drive me anywhere.

As I walked up the Cullen's long driveway I noticed another car parked behind the Volvo. As I got closer my stomach dropped at the realization of whose it was. Tanya. She was here. With Edward. What happened to our Saturday alone together? Maybe this was why he was preoccupied yesterday, the thought of spending all day with gorgeous Tanya. I mean who was I kidding. With Edward's good looks he was bound to realize someday that I could never be the girl on his arm. He was totally out of my league.

I stood out side his front door for at least 5 minutes deliberating if I should knock or not. Finally I decided just to leave them be. If I talked to him now I would break down for sure. I turned to leave but as I did I heard the front door open. I held my breath.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" Said my favorite voice in the world.

I turned around to face him. There were tears threatening to escape and run down my face. "Um I thought we were going to hangout. You know like we always do." It hurt having to remind him.

"Oh shoot today is Saturday isn't it?" He looked sad now. I just nodded. "I totally forgot Bells, I'm sorry. You can come in though Tanya and I were just discussing our assignment. But we can put on a movie or something."

He didn't get it. I didn't want to spend any time with him AND Tanya. It was only about being with him. It was always about being with him. I shook my head as my resolve crumbled and a tear slid down my cheek. Edward stepped forward to wipe it away but I moved away from his touch. He looked hurt.

"No um I think I should just go. You guys are obviously busy. I'll see you at school." I turned to leave but he grabbed my arm.

"Bella what's wrong? Are you mad that I forgot?"

I tried to yank my hand free but he wasn't having any of that. "No I'm not mad at you ok. I just really have to get going."

I jerked my arm free and headed back toward the road. I heard him running after me but I didn't stop. More tears now flowed freely from my eyes.

"Bella wait at least let me take you home. I feel terrible."

I practically snorted at him. "No it's fine I'd rather walk."

With that I sped up my pace and never looked back. As soon as I was out of hear shot I started bawling. And I continued to do so all the way home. I just couldn't believe Edward wouldn't tell me he had a date. Maybe it wasn't a date to him but it sure as hell looked like one.

I slammed my bedroom door shut and just laid face down on my bed, crying into my pillow. I always knew it was possible for Edward to fall for someone. But I was never really prepared for it. I assumed that it would just be him and me forever. But now everything is different. We won't be just Edward and Bella. We'll be Edward and Tanya and oh yeah Bella too.

I don't know how long I stayed like that but soon my stomach started growling. I got up and walked downstairs. On my way down I passed a mirror and gasped at my reflection. I looked like crap. I mean literally. I just looked so…broken.

I tried to push those feelings aside and concentrate on my stomach. It seemed to work a little. I grabbed a peanut butter sandwich and some chips and sat down at the table. When I was done I looked at the clock and it read 1:30. Shoot! I had to hurry if I was going to look halfway decent for Jacob.

I ran to the bathroom and quickly brushed out my hair. I pulled it into a messy bun on the top of my head. Then I concentrated on removing the black stains of makeup under my eye, a result of my crying my eyes out for a few hours. I went into my room and changed into a pair of comfy jeans and my favorite fleece jacket.

As I was waiting at my kitchen table I heard the rain start to pelt down on our roof. I groaned. I didn't feel like showing up at the library looking like a drowned cat. I already looked terrible as it was. So I decided to call Jacob and ask for a ride. I'm sure he'd be delighted.

I rummaged through a stack of papers in my room until I found the student directory. I scanned the pages. Soon I found the number I was looking for and punched it into the phone. I heard ringing on the other end.

"Hello?" Answered a familiar deep voice.

"Hey Jacob, this is Bella Swan."

He perked up instantly. "Oh hey Bella! What's up?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you could give me a ride to the library. I don't really have a car and its raining cats and dogs right now."

Jacob laughed. "Of course."

"Here are the directions." I gave him my address and a general knowledge on how to get to my house. I swear I could hear him smiling through the phone.

"Alright sounds good. I'll be there in like 15 minutes."

"Ok, thanks Jacob."

"No problem and please call me Jake."

"Ok. I'll see you soon. Bye."

"Bye."

After I hung up I instantly missed the warmth I felt just from talking to Jake. He seemed like a generally happy person. And right now I really needed that.

Jake was true to his word and showed up at my house 15 minutes later. I walked out the door and climbed in the passenger side of his red Ford F150. When he pulled out of my driveway he turned toward me.

"No offense Bella but you look terrible. What happened?"

I sighed I really didn't feel like talking about it. "Nothing."

Jake didn't believe me. "Come on Bella. It can't be nothing. Seriously what's bothering you?"

I hated how Jake made me want to confess everything to him right there. My love for Edward and everything else that had gone wrong in my life but we barely knew each other and I didn't think I could share that with him yet.

"Its just drama that's all." I said hoping that it would be enough to get him off my back.

"Oh well drama definitely sucks."

"Yeah tell me about it." I muttered sarcastically. He seemed to like my answer enough that we settled into a peaceful silence for the rest of the drive.

When we arrived at the library we went straight to the computers. I didn't feel like talking too much and Jake respected that. I really appreciated him for that. We ended up getting all the research we needed and even outlined the article pretty precisely. I hadn't even looked at the clock all day but all of a sudden Jake got up.

"Wow I didn't realize how late it was. I have to get back soon or my dad will think I've been kidnapped." He joked.

I looked at the clock and it read 6:30. Wow it had gotten late. I stood up too. "Yeah I should leave too, my dad will starve if I don't cook him dinner." Jake laughed.

We collected our material and headed back out to his truck. The ride back to my house was very similar to the ride to the library. When we arrived at my house I noticed my dad's car was already in the driveway. As I reached for the door Jake grabbed my arm.

"You know if you ever need to talk or just want some company I'm only a phone call away."

I smiled at his kindness. "Thanks Jake. I might take you up on that sometime."

He smiled back. "Good. Oh and I can finish that article tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah it's no problem. Its already practically done anyway."

I laughed. "True. Well I'll see you Monday."

He waved at me. "Yep see you then."

When I walked into the kitchen I noticed a pizza box on the kitchen table.

"Dad?"

"In here Bells." Replied a voice from the living room.

"Sorry I wasn't here to cook dinner dad. My friend and I ran late at the library."

"Oh its fine I had been craving pizza anyway."

"Oh ok. Well I think I'm gonna go to be early, I'm pretty tired."

"Alright honey I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night dad." I said as I made my way up the stairs.

In truth the days events really did tire me out. I desperately wanted to escape reality for a few hours. I had no idea how I would face Edward on Monday morning but I took comfort in the fact that it was still a day away.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I know you all hate me, don't worry I hate me too. I apologize for being MIA since like forever. Life has been hectic…college searching makes me stressed. And now I won't take up anymore time, on to the story.

Chapter 3

On Sunday I turned my cell off the entire day. I didn't want to face reality. I ignored the house phone when it rang and it thankfully stopped ringing after about 3 hours.

Late Sunday night when I was in the safety of my bed, box of tissues at the ready, I pressed the "on" button on my phone. I set it next to me on the bed and waited. Within seconds I was being alerted to the 33 missed phone calls, 18 new voicemails and 52 unread text messages I had received. All from the same number I knew by heart.

I figured it would be easier to get the hardest part out of the way first so I dialed my voicemail and grabbed a tissue. The messages weren't anything too spectacular. Just the normal, "I'm sorry", "I didn't mean to hurt you", "I feel like an ass", "Please call me back". And after everyone I pressed 7 trying not only to remove them from my phone but also from my brain. Once I was finished I looked at the screen. All the little number 7's seemed to be laughing at me. Each one. And I broke down.

Once I contained myself I started on the texts. They were much of the same. Except for the last one, which broke the final decent piece of my heart I had left. It read, "Bella I love you. I just don't know what else to say".

I could look at that text and convince myself that he really meant it the way I wanted him to. But I knew, deep in my very core, that he would never want me that way. Tomorrow he would show up at school with Tanya by his side. Not thinking anything of it and continue on the rest of the year without a care in the world and a super hot girlfriend.

And then there would be me, total wreck. Someone who just wouldn't belong with them. I wish there was someway I could make my feelings for him stop but I have loved him for too long. There is no going back. Right then I knew what I had to do if I wanted to live a semi happy life. I needed him to get out of my life. Just not be around him and then maybe it wouldn't seem so bad.

I threw off my covers and went into my closet to find a shoebox. I managed to find an old Nike box. Ironic, I found, because Edward used to refuse to wear anything but Nike. I took the shoebox to my bulletin board and proceed to take down every single picture, note, and memory that reminded me of him. I placed them all inside the shoebox and taped it shut. I labeled it, "Useless Crap". Somehow it seemed fitting.

That night when I went to sleep I didn't dream of Edward or Jacob or anything at all. It was like my subconscious was telling me what I already knew. I didn't have anything left to care about.

When I woke up on Monday I felt dead. For minutes I just stared at the ceiling, not moving. I didn't want to do this but I had to. I needed him out of my life. I just wasn't healthy around him.

I dressed in a hazy fog. I grabbed my backpack and cell and went downstairs. I didn't want to see him this early so I decided not to wait until he showed up. I just left. I needed the fresh air too. I figured I would be at school 10 minutes early but I could care less.

I was hoping that maybe the fresh air would clear my head, tell me I was being irrational. That Edward would see the light eventually. But it did nothing. The silence I felt all around me seemed like an appropriate metaphor for my life now. I was all alone.

Just when I was beginning to settle into the uncomfortable silence I heard the distant screeching of tires and a frenzied honking. I froze. Did this really have to happen right now? Wasn't life sick of screwing with me already? I turned my head to see the familiar looking silver Volvo pulling up behind me. Then a tuff of bronze hair popped out of the driver's side window.

"Bella!" He very nearly screamed. "Bella please talk to me! Bella please I'm begging you."

When he was certain I wouldn't flee just yet he pulled his Volvo up next to me and got out. He stepped in front of me and came a little too close for my liking. When I looked into his eyes I saw hurt and pain and a little bit of anger too. I inwardly laughed. He was angry with me?! He had no right.

"Bella," He was having trouble with his words. Good, I thought. "Bella listen. I'm sorry I forgot. I just got caught up. It was the only time Tanya had free all weekend. You have no idea how sorry I am. I… Bella… Please…" he stopped short. It looked like he might cry. But I didn't care. He would have to cry a thousand times to feel my pain.

"So what Edward, now after all these years I'm not important anymore. I guess I should have known this would happen. I was never good enough for you Edward. Everyone knew. I guess you were just a little late in figuring it out. Well don't worry I won't bother you or Tanya anymore. Bye."

I turned to leave but his hand stopped me. "Bella!" He sounded almost insulted. "That's not true! You know I don't think that. You're my best friend, you mean more to me than anybody!"

My heart died. Even when I was on the brink of shutting him out forever, he couldn't think of me as more than a friend. That was all the confirmation I needed.

I willed the tears not to fall. "Edward, you don't get it. You never will. God why can't you just open your eyes." I said that more to myself than to him.

"Bella what are you talking about? I know what I did. I know it was wrong. Please forgive me. Can't we just put this behind us?"

I just stared at him hard in the face. "No Edward you don't know. I can't just forget this. I'm sorry. I can't. Goodbye."

As I turned away this time he didn't stop me. He didn't even budge. It was like he had been shocked with an electric current. I waited until I was a safe distance away from him before I let the tears fall. And I continued to do so until I reached the school parking lot. There I began furiously wiping the black streaks of makeup from under my eyes.

It was in this state that Jake found me. Red eyed and sniffling. Not the most attractive sight I would imagine. He walked up to me with a serious look on his face.

"What happened? I swear I'm going to..." He looked around frantically.

I grabbed his arm to hold him back from causing any kind of damage. "Jake! Jake really everything is fine."

He looked back to me. "Bella it is obviously not fine. You've been crying and I want to know who hurt you so I can go kick their ass."

"Jake please don't." I hoped that my eyes showed my sincerity.

It seemed to work because he calmed down. "Well then would please at least tell me what happened?"

I took a deep breath; it was time to get all of this out. "Ok." I said cautiously. I had needed to talk to someone for so long about my feelings for Edward, that when I was talking to Jake everything just came out at once. I told him everything. From the very moment I knew I loved Edward to this morning when I decided I couldn't anymore.

Throughout my story Jake sat next to me and listened. He never interrupted or showed any signs of disgust. He just listened. By the time I was done a new wave of tears had come on and probably made my face look even worse. But Jake didn't care. Every so often he would put his arm around me and wipe away the tears that fell. When I was finished I looked to him, nervous that my pathetic story would push him away.

His eyes held an understanding and a sad smile fell on his face. "I'm sorry you had to go through that Bella. I know I can't really say anything to make you feel better but I kind of know where you're coming from. I used to be in love with this girl Leah and she broke my heart."

I guess it made me feel better that he had gone through something, though not as extensive, like my experience. So he knew how crappy I felt. In the distance a bell snapped me out of my revive. I looked at my cell and panicked. It was way past first period, heck it was a good amount of time into third period.

"Crap, crap!" I said jumping up.

Jake grabbed my hand. "Relax Bells. Don't worry about it. I don't mind skipping and I doubt you're in the mood to learn about how to graph inequalities."

I sighed and sat back down. He was right. The last thing I wanted to think about was school. "But what about that newspaper article. It's due today."

Jake frowned. "Yeah I guess we have to turn that in don't we."

I frowned too. I couldn't imagine having to face Edward after my breakdown this morning.

"Hey I can always just turn it in by myself. You don't have to come. I mean I know Edward and Tanya are in that class..." He trailed off looking uncomfortable. Like his name might cause me to bring on a new flood of tears.

I smoothed out my face as best I could. "No. I can handle it."

Jake looked doubtful. "Really Bella you don't have to be strong. I think I can handle turning in a paper by myself."

I was slightly annoyed. I'm tougher than he thought; I've had to be for the last 10 years of my life. "No seriously I'll be fine. I'm going to have to face him eventually."

Jake sighed. He knew there was no way he was going to convince me otherwise. "Alright. But I'll be there to protect you if you need it."

I smiled. "Thanks Jake."

He grinned toothily back. "My pleasure Bells."

We spent the rest of the time before newspaper just sitting in Jake's car and talking. I learned that Jake was born in La Push but his parents got divorced and his mom got main custody so now he lives in Forks with her. I also found out he is pretty good with mechanics. He rebuilt his car basically from scratch and he recently rebuilt a pair of motorcycles too. He said that he could take me out riding if I wanted to. I was excited and also a little scared.

By the time the bell had rung for newspaper I had almost forgotten my whole little episode this morning. I was still nervous of seeing Edward but being with Jake had made me feel so much better. I actually laughed a few times.

As we entered school Jake grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers. I was shocked to say the least but for some reason it felt nice. Almost like that was how it was supposed to be. His hand was a lot warmer than mine and I instantly felt safe when his skin touched mine.

Jake looked down at me and smiled. "You sure about this Bells?"

I put on my best brave face and grimly smiled. "Yeah I'm sure."

Jake shrugged. "Alright well just remember, I got your back."

"Of course how could I not?" I smiled again. It was amazing how much I did that around him.

I took a deep breath right before we entered the room. And then exhaled with much relief that I didn't find Edward or even Tanya for that matter. Jake looked down at me and I smiled up at him. Maybe Edward wouldn't even show.

Jake led us to a table with two computers on it and we sat down and began talking to each other. I should have noticed the very prominent clicking of high heels but we were so wrapped up in our conversation that I didn't. I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and when I looked up my throat closed up a little. Tanya had small smile on her face.

"Um hi Bella. I was wondering if we could talk for a little bit?"

I looked to Jake who gave me a look asking if I was going to be ok. I smiled and nodded letting him know that I was ok for now.

"Um sure. What's up?"

She looked a little uncomfortable. "Bella I wanted to say that I'm sorry about Saturday. I didn't mean to intrude or anything. It was just the only time we could get together all weekend. Please don't be mad at me or Edward."

I gave her sort of a fake smile when I said, "No Tanya it's fine. I'm not made at you."

"Oh ok. Well I'm glad. So I guess I'll talk to you…" She trailed off as Adonis himself strode into the classroom. I looked away.

"Hey Tanya." Edward said smiling at her. My stomach churned. "Hi Bella." He said in a quieter tone.

I just gave a stiff nod. There was an awkward silence until I felt Jake come back and sit down behind me.

"Hello Edward." Jake said it in a formal tone. Like he was talking to a colleague.

Edward gave a nod in Jake's direction, almost frostily. "Jacob."

Tanya decided to break the tension. "Well it was nice talking to you Bella. Come on Ed we have to work on that sports piece."

"Yeah ok." He gave one last glance at me then turned and followed Tanya to a pair of computers across the room.

Jake placed a hand on my shoulder. "You ok?"

"As good as can be expected."

Jake gave my shoulder one last squeeze and then let go to start working on editing some article. The whole class period all I could think about was how she had called him Ed and he didn't complain. In fact he seemed perfectly fine with it. I used to remember a time when he would get so upset if someone called him that. And now he doesn't mind. It's like he's changing before my eyes.

As soon as the bell rang to signal the end of class I grabbed Jake's hand and pulled him, as fast as I could, out the door. As we left I glanced over to see Tanya talking to Edward but he didn't seem to notice. His eyes were focused on Jake's hand and me.

When we got out to the parking lot Jake stopped me. "Hey do you have a ride home?"

"Um I guess not." I really hadn't thought about that at all.

Jake smiled. "Well now you do."

I smiled back. Jake took my hand again and I let him lead me to his car. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I caught one last glimpse of Edward and his silver Volvo and the smiling blonde in the passenger seat.

When we got to my house Jake parked the car, got out and opened my door for me. I laughed. "And here I thought chivalry was dead."

He laughed too. "Well maybe I have alternative intentions."

I looked down. I mean Jake was great but I wasn't sure if I could love someone the way I loved Edward again.

"Hey look I'm sorry I said that but I can't help it Bells." He had the most sincere smile on his face.

"I know Jake, its ok I just don't know if my heart is ready for that yet." I smiled grimly.

"Don't worry I get it Bells. But just know that not every guy out there is going to hurt you like he did. I can realize beauty when I see it." With that Jake smiled and kissed my fingers. "I bid you a due fair maiden."

I shoved him a little laughing. "Bye Jake."

He laughed too. "See you later Bells."

He started up the car when I realized something, "Hey Jake."

He leaned over the seat, "Yeah?"

"Do you think you could give me a ride to school tomorrow?"

"Absolutely!"

I smiled. "Ok thanks, bye."

"Bye!" He shouted over the roar of the engine.

I stood on the lawn watching as Jake's car disappeared from sight. I hope Edward didn't think he was still driving me to school. As I walked into the house I pondered what Jake had said. I knew Jake would never hurt me and with the way things were headed maybe I could get over Edward faster than I thought.


End file.
